Friday, August 27, 2010

My heart belongs to someone else

What if you could have two soulmates?

When we come of age, before our first relationship, we're told that one day we'll meet the one person who will complete us.  That there's one person who we will be compatible with, who will have the same values and life goals, one who will be like our lover and our best friend.  What if that's not true?  What if we are meant to be with two people for the rest of our lives?  Not two at once (I do not advocate living like Big Love); but what if in one lifetime there are two people who will complete you?

Let's say a girl is dating two guys.  Both match the girl in different ways:

Guy #1: Personality, Interests, Desire to travel, Career goals, Sense of humor

Guy #2: Family goals, Work ethic, Desire to settle down, Faith, Values

Is having similar values more important than similar interests?  Or is it more important to have the same career goals than it is to have the same goals for your family life?  Its hard to say.  So I ask you this: If you had a choice between the characteristics that match with Guy #1 vs. those that match with Guy #2, which would you choose?

My response is: Why choose?  How long should you have to wait before you meet one person with all the qualities that you are looking for in a mate?  I wager that you don't necessarily have to wait; different people can be your soulmate/true love in different times of your life.

I asked my friend Khalid if he could help me look into this true love concept further.  He reviewed a few works of fiction to explore this idea using some characters you might be familiar with:

Many different genres of media/film have depicted this notion of a true love conflict to entertain our minds and tease our hearts.  

Example 1: X-men (Marvel Comics)
The relationship of Wolverine/Logan, Cyclops/Scott Summers, Phoenix/Jean Grey

This story, like all other true love tales, focuses around the generic love triangle that envelops its readers/viewers with its captivating drama and somewhat thrilling suspense.  You have Scott and Jean who are childhood friends and have grown amongst each other for years.  To Jean, Scott represents all that is simple, structured, and secure within her social world.  She is familiar with Scott:  she knows his background, his past relationships, his family, maybe even his credit history, lol.  Now enters the rogue element of Logan.  He carries that cool, bad boy charm that girls and women classically fall victim to time and time again.  With Logan and jean, a small attraction could be identified from a moment's glance.  Each of these men are desirable for Jean, however it is the manly competition of Scott that keeps the interest in Logan from progressing as strongly as it could.

Now let's try to break down this situation in reference to our true love dilemma.  Which particular male mate is more apt to suit Jean?  Disregarding the actual outcome illustrated by Marvel as to which suitor she chooses, it can be interpreted that both mates are somewhat destined for her.  Both carry positive and desirable characteristics.  And above all else, they both share a passion for Jean that is incomparable to any other character within the X-Men series.  So what really made Jean choose Scott over Logan?  Laying all the facts down, the only clear distinction that could have made a difference is that Scott met Jean first!  It was Jean's commitment that she felt she made to Scott early on within their lives that prevented her from allowing Logan to pursue her more fervently.  In layman's terms......Jean just didn't want to be seen as a whore within the series, lol.  But let us not divert our attention from the fact that the viewers and readers, due to society's influence on just and plausible relationships, had a hand in convincing good old Stan Lee into illustrating that these particular love birds end up with each other.  However, is it really true love when a couple like Jean and Scott end up together...even though there is another person out there with the same capabilities to make Jean happy?

Let's examine another example:

Example 2: The Dark Knight (Batman - the movie version)
The relationship of Batman/Bruce Wayne, Rachel, Harvey Dent/Two Face

In this story, you have Bruce Wayne who transforms himself into the trained, masked vigilante of Batman.  An individual armed with advanced technology, weaponry, martial arts, and his unsurpassed intelligence set out to rid crime within his hometown city.  However as Bruce Wayne, he is a charming multi-billionaire who owns most of the city and businesses within it.  The social drama within this tale comes full circle with the involvement of Bruce's past time sweetheart, Rachel Dawes, and her attraction to Bruce and established lawyer, Harvey Dent.  In this scenario, you can see the same situation that has developed within the X-Men series where Harvey is playing the role of the safe, committed lover and Bruce as the faithful but rugged/reckless lifelong companion.

Now the writer of this story has mixed around some points that were acknowledged in the previous examination of the X-Men characters.  With Bruce being the initial love interest for Rachel, why is it that as the story progresses she finds herself in the arms of Harvey Dent?  Why is Bruce not accepted as Rachel's true love???  The answer is the persona of Batman.  Devoted to his duty to protect not only Rachel but everyone within his city of Gotham, Bruce's obligation to serve as Batman conflicts with the idea of him living his life happily with Rachel.  Harvey, who on a broad scale contains decent characteristics and his own charm, can somewhat be seen as a comparable replacement for the caped crusader but because he does not share in the complete responsibility of protecting the entire city he has less to distract him.  Within the movie, Rachel explains in detail that she believes Bruce will always need to be Batman to feel complete within his life and that she doesn't feel that this is conducive for her predicted future lifestyle.  Now let's further examine this.  Does this demonstrate that for true loves to co-exist with each other, no other obstacles must exist?  Is it impossible for true loves to look past each other's personal baggage and/or previous obligations before they can truly be together?  If the man is able to save you from being thrown out of a 10 floor building but not be able to win your heart, is that fair?!

I would like to finally add some notes that I have compiled while randomly interviewing individuals on their thoughts of true loves.  Now these individuals all have different backgrounds and upbringings which make all the opinions valid and colorful to say the least:

True love doesn't exist because if your destined person were to perish or engage their feelings to another, where does that leave you? Alone?

True love doesn't exist because if your destined person is an individual of the same gender as yourself but your beliefs contradict such things....what do you do?  Imagine the same situation for different ethnicities.  Or even ages, perhaps.  What if your true love is an 80 year-old lady with 9 cats while you exist in your roaring twenties. Do the two of you find each other and remain together?

The idea of true love is a pagan idea, or in other words make-believe.  It comes from the belief that there are matching souls for everyone.  However if one of these souls is destined for heaven and the other for can they be matching?  Each individual is in charge of their own soul.  No one is linked to one another for they each have their own ability to choose their destinies.


Thanks to Khalid for this exploration of two soulmates/true love from your perspective.

Leave a comment with your opinions about two soulmates or true love.  Also, leave a comment with your favorite example of the two soulmates scenario.

Jessica Ebony


  1. I was having a conversation with a friend on Twitter, and we were basically saying the same thing about having multiple soulmates and having a chance to choose one of those soulmates to work it out with and marry. The difference that I never mentioned was that he was saying it with a religious tone, whereas I was saying it out of common sense.

    If you're a fat, lazy guy, there are a certain pool of women that will be attracted to you, and the range goes from ugly to beautiful (visage-wise). Just like if you're a buff, tall guy, there's a pool of women who are attracted to that too, although it's probably a lot bigger. These type of things just make too much sense to me! I'm not saying God didn't leave us with "soulmates" here on Earth to find, but it just makes sense if you have certain values and interests, that you will undoubtedly run into people with said values and interests, after which you can take it from there, religion aside.

    You can find happiness with multiple people if you take the time to take it there with them.

  2. It's interesting you use the Jean/Cyclops/Wolverine love triangle, especially because there are more than those 3 in the battle for love. Her name is Emma Frost. Using cyclops as the apex of the triangle, Jean is the wholesome clean love and Emma is the bombshell desire of lust. What it basically boils down to is that soul mates are hard to come by because people always feel there is something they are sacrificing to be with a person. And if you don't sacrifice and have both, then you lose fidelity, which should be the number 1 priority in a relationship

  3. soooo... if I'm like Guy #1, what does that mean?

  4. what do you mean 'what does that mean'? lol

    leave comments with your name! haha